Allons-y

What do I even have to say to you? Nothing. We already talked about it. You were clear about what you wanted and what you didn’t want. You were even nice about it. I can handle “I don’t want to get attached when I only have 4 months left.” But I don’t think I could handle “I’m not interested, go the fuck away.” So, thank you for that. For caring enough to spare my feelings.

  But I don’t think you’re telling the whole truth. I don’t think it’s that you’re not interested, and I think the ‘I leave in 4 months’ is just an excuse. I think you’re scared. You’ve either watched someone go through a lot of pain, or you’ve gone through it yourself. You’ve become a cynic. I think you’re waiting around for some princess that’s just going to fall into your life and make it better. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Maybe I’m the cynic here, but I’m kind of certain that ‘the one’ won’t just fall out of the sky and be constantly perfect forever. You’re gonna have to work at it sometimes. Not that I’m saying I’m that special or anything, but you have to start taking chances like this eventually. Why not start now?

  You only live once. If you live your whole life not making any mistakes and not learning anything for yourself, well…that’s REALLY boring. What are you going to tell your grandkids? “When I was your age I sat and home and avoided making any decisions that might force me out of my comfort zone!” What kind of story is that?

  I wouldn’t say any of this if I didn’t think I was right. If any other guy looked at me the way you do, and said the things that you say to me, and acted the way that you do around me, I’d KNOW that he liked me.

   Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them mean something, some of them mean everything, and some of them mean nothing. Some of them have very clear boundaries and some of them don’t. Not everything in the real world can be thrown into a specific category. Not every person and every situation can be labeled. Keep that in mind.

   I feel so annoyingly persistent bringing this up. I’ll probably never talk about all this to you. I’ll just post this on Tumblr where you’ll never read it. I should probably take my own advice.